Maybe it was your country upbringing (you live in the city now, but clearly it hasn't affected your love of a simple lifestyle). Or, maybe it's the fact that you always want to find the least expensive option. Regardless of your motives, you certainly have thought of some interesting ways to improve your appearance.
Probably the most interesting of all your inventions, is your remedy for spider veins. Well, it's not so much just one remedy for spider veins as it is more of a routine that you've come up with. This routine was started a couple of years ago, when you first saw those little annoying veins pop up on the calf of your right leg.
You've never exactly been called a vain person, but you certainly haven't been chastised for your looks, either. After all, your husband certainly doesn't complain, and neither did the thirty boyfriends you had before him! So, you definitely feel that your remedy for spider veins can't do anything but help your natural beauty.
You love reading books about the Victorian era. Maybe it was because the ladies had such a sense of style and beauty. Regardless, there was one book about how women bathed in buttermilk to keep their skin smooth. Bingo! You reason that the whiteness of the milk will bleach your skin, thus erasing those nasty spider veins! Yes indeed – this is a great remedy for spider veins!
The problem is that buttermilk isn't the easiest thing to find. You lament that you're not in the country anymore – you would have been able to get that buttermilk faster than a cat jumps over a fence. But here, it's not like that. Obviously, you just need to get butter and milk separately. It's a good thing that you have common sense.
So, you go to the grocery store, and load up on 10 gallons of milk to start with. You also get a few boxes of butter (the unhealthiest kind you can find). You figure that one stick of butter per one gallon of milk should be just about right.
As you load all of that milk on the checkout counter, the cashier raises an eyebrow. You explain that it's not your fault that you have 10 children with a love of all things dairy. Oh, you crack yourself up, you really do. It's a good thing your trunk is big enough to accommodate all this stuff.
Thankfully, when you get home, your husband's too busy watching television to notice the unusual fruits of your shopping labors. You move all the butter and milk into the bathroom as quickly as possible and slam the door. It's times like these that you're equally grateful for having two bathrooms.
You place the butter in a bowl, and melt it with hot water. You pour each of the gallons of milk into the tub, and mix in the melted butter with your foot. You take your clothes off, and gingerly step into your creation. It feels pretty weird, you admit, but you're sure it'll work!
